With my first son I thought my intuition was kicking in immediately and I was a know it all. I disagreed with husband way to much we had a hard conversation about how I was viewing other people’s advice.
Then I relaxed a little and realized I was too lax, I let my son walk outside without shoes to play in the backyard, let him try any foods, eat in the family room, have snacks before dinner time, jump off the couch, etc. We have a big white ottoman and I let him do anything on that.
When I read articles or conversations in facebook groups I’d ask myself what would I do in that situation and I’ve toughened up a little just by reading hypothetical situations.
I like to think I’m a mama bear, ready to defend my kid at a moments notice, but iI don’t know, if my son did something wrong I want him to take responsibility, and if he was wronged then I feel the need to get to the bottom of it and try to see all sides. Luckily, we haven’t had any major issues – we did switch daycares because we felt we were side eyeing too many things, and that was the best decision, but it took me a few days to come to terms with leaving the only place he’s known, that’s crazy to me, yet I still felt it.
With my second son I’m taking more things day by day – knowing how I mother and parent, this seems to work
If I need a break then we watch a movie until bedtime after a long day, if I can’t pull it together to cook dinner then we order food and I just make sure to order a vegetable to make it a complete meal, if my husband had a long day and needs a break I take our sons for a long walk, it just depends on the day the type of mom I am.
We don’t have to always be labeled as one type of mom, that’s what modern motherhood is about and the mantra behind Mommifaceted.
We deal with different situations every day, some days I am an organized, on top of it mom, then other days I can’t think of one thing I’ve accomplished for the day.
What I don’t do is stress about it, I am the mom I am, and now that I’m 3 years in (not long compared to some of you) but that’s enough time for me to really see my true colors and patterns, habits, and tendencies.
I can see where I’m strong as a mom and where I’m weak and that gives me the relief to not give in to the guilt. I know my limits and what I can and can’t do, and I don’t feel bad about what I can’t because of all that I can do well.
Think about the emotional legacy you’re leaving behind and that can help to bridge that gap between the type of mom you want to be and what you really are.
Make sure you’re present where you want to be too!
These are the reasons why I’m opening the Mommi Collective! I want to provide expert speaker sessions, resoures and tools, child age based information, and more from the viewpoint of a mom of color – it’s year round mommy support!