At the beginning of December I started to do a quick inventory, feeling like I wasn’t doing enough, and looked at my accomplishments and thought “what have I been spending my time doing?!”
I was in a little bit of a frenzy through December. I had the end of my maternity leave pending and the start of daycare for my second son. Then there was the thought of being a working mom of 2, when I was still tired from my pregnancy and chasing my toddler around. I knew I wasn’t putting enough energy into Mommifaceted like I had planned over my maternity leave. And I was going to have to start back at the gym after taking who knows how many months off. My brain was just all over the place.
So, planning for 2020 just wasn’t possible for me. I’ve been pretty transparent about the fact that I am not ready for 2020.
I was feeling like I hadn’t done enough. Really, more like I hadn’t done anything and certainly not enough given the level of tired and lazy I was feeling.
After reading a post from a fellow mom blogger I realized that because I’m still working through my goals from last year when I got clear on what I truly wanted, I wouldn’t have anything new to add.
As moms, why do we feel we aren’t doing enough?
We are constantly making to do lists and creating work for ourselves and to take care of our families. We are measuring up consciously and subconsciously how much work other moms are doing and asking if we are doing as much, more, or perhaps less. It appears that we are punishing ourselves mentally for not getting everything crossed off our lists.
How many times have you felt sad that you didn’t get to the last two items on the list? How often did you go to bed feeling defeated by the day and all the distractions and interruptions you dealt with?
I can raise my hand too – I’ve often felt the feeling of defeat at life versus me.
So I started to reshape my days. When I recorded my recap of 2019 and listened to the replay I was shocked!
As I listened I thought about all of the things I wanted and wished for and many of them came true! I accomplished some things that weren’t even on my list. Then I talked to my 3 year old before bed and realized what all he learned in the past year, how he’s now potty trained because of my help, how great his vocabulary is and how smart he is. I look at all of the decisions I had to make while pregnant and through the difficult birth of my youngest.
I thought about how much more I listened to my body this year and took time off from the gym because I needed to let something go.
I realized that I’m in the beginning stages of a few great friendships that I know with more grooming this year could fill out the tribe I’ve always wanted.
Now, I definitely had some distractions that kept me from crossing everything off of my list. I might have scrolled a little too much instead of doing what I knew needed to be done.
And for that I’ve got a list of lessons learned that I can now implement to be just a little bit more productive.
First, you are probably putting too much on your plate to begin with. Super mom syndrome is real. And I can’t get around it sometimes. I just pile the work on until I’m convinced it means I’m being my best self, when really it means I’m doing the most.
Instead of tackling my entire list on Monday, I’m picking out 3 big things a day I want to get done. I know there will be other things getting done like laundry, cooking dinner, playing with the boys, talking with my husband, so I don’t have to fill out a whole list when I already have plenty to do. I never add these usual things to my to-do list, but they get done. This realistically only leaves me with time to get a few extra projects done.
Secondly, you are not counting rest time. It’s necessary, we all know this. But we still plan enough to fill 17 hours a day with work. When will we sit and have lunch? When will be get to reading that book on the nightstand? Get it, you won’t. The day is too jam packed, so leave some room to move slow, stop and think, spend some time being quiet.
Lastly, you are not giving yourself credit for everything you do. I mentioned it above but if you actually wrote down everything you do in one day I bet you would be shocked as well. I put my list below for a typical Tuesday and WOW! It’s amazing how much I didn’t even realize I did because it’s second nature.
- Get Dress
- Get 2 boys dressed
- Make bottles
- Make lunch
- Pack up the car
- Take the boys to daycare
- Talk to their teachers for updates
- Drive to work
- Listen to devotional in car while driving
- Work – work – work
- Take a phone call about work getting done at the house
- Research blog topics
- Eat lunch
- Drive home
- Unpack the car
- Change clothes
- Pick up around the bedroom
- Make dinner
- Pack lunch for tomorrow
- Talk to husband while he bathes the boys
- Playtime before bed
- Put son’s tablet and my phone on the charger
- Tidy up and wipe down the kitchen
- Read a chapter
- Go to bed
The phone call about house work and researching blog topics were the only things on my “list” but see how much more got done?
We have to give ourselves credit for doing enough. We aren’t just wasting time all day, it’s truly a big responsibility being a woman, wife and mother. To accomplish all of this in one day is an amazing feat. So know this – you are doing enough and you are enough. Each day you’ve taken steps forward and for that you get a pat on the back.
[…] WHY WHY WHY do moms get all the mom guilt?? Well, I can’t speak on dads but from what I know and hear from other moms I’m pretty sure it’s an epidemic that mainly affects us. Mommy guilt has no biases. […]